superficial

Phonies. At least I think thats how you spell the word for people that are not what they appear. There are all types of sub categories that go under this word. This might come as offensive to some people but to who is offended easily please go read a Britney Spears page or something. I really have to say what I feel I cant afford to be one of these people in question. After this small essay or rant however you feel after you read it you can write me and let me know that Im carrying excess baggage or what ever.
The first thing we should consider is my location now and where I used to live. Where I used to live is Carrollton Texas. Not too bad of a place. There were some racial differences but nothing huge. Thats not to say that I didnt feel the racial tension at school or on the street, but there were no Klansmen on horse back and white sheets running around trying to lynch people. That was one world. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people that told me their true feelings; they told me in my face exactly what they thought. No BS, no run around. Hell, even my enemies where honest. More than one time a redneck said to me Hey beaner, go back to Mexico! Now thats love. There was no hypocrisy in his words just honesty about his feelings. Only his feelings because Im not from Mexico. So for the most part in my life up to that point I took most things at face value cause I didnt have to see angles.
Eventually after reading some things about my home land and drinking a generous quantity of malt liquor I made a decision to come home to this tiny hole in the wall I call the home land. See the stupid things alcohol will make you do? Anyway, it wasnt that much of a whim that I decided to come to Central America. I had come here a couple of times to visit my family. Now when I first mentioned that my life in Texas was one world you probably thought it was one more world involved in the story. Wrong. Salvador splits up into two more worlds. So the first of the two worlds of Salvador that I came to know was the one I found when I would visit my family. Its relevant to say that my family had two sides as well, Ill come to that later.
The first world was the one in the country side. Very nice. People from the country side are so nice. They are always eager to give you things you know like a basket of fruit and what not. Not cause they are interested in seeing what they could get out of you, but because its their nature and their up bringing. I spent a lot of time in the country side when I would visit. I would go to parties that people would throw for baptisms, 15ths and so forth. People would talk straight forward in a very humble way. I dont think I came across one arrogant bastard in my trips to this place. So when I decided to come here and live I thought that people would be the same here in the capital city. Wrong.
In April of 1999 I got the go ahead to come home. So I came home to the capital city. Everything was going just as expected until I had to mix with the people I was going to go to school with. Salvador is a third world country. During the 80s there was a civil war. Salvador is like most Latin American countries, there are the super rich in very small numbers. There are the super poor in very large numbers and there is an almost non existent middle classsmaller than the other two groups. So when I arrived at the catholic university I had been warned that I would be surrounded by rich kids, and I do mean rich.
There were in fact rich kids but there were also some of those of the middle class. Most of the people who I met and talked to are from what can be called the middle class here. I didnt meet or hang out with rich kids. Along with money comes a difference in political points of view. I think thats enough of the background. Lets get down to the point. These kids of what are known as the middle class here and the capital city altogether is the third world I didnt expect. War, poverty, television, reality shows, soap operas, all these things have drastically traumatized the people in this country.
The people I meet these days are for the most part phonies. Perpetrators. Not the real thing. This really just puts knots in me. Here are the examples:
I have a couple of so called friends here. Some of them, well actually 3 of them are down to earth. They live reality. These 3 friends I admire and I feel fortunate to have them and their sincerity which is scarce here. But I have other friends, the so called ones. One of them lives in this part of town that is pretty rough. This guy is smart and knows how to use his intellect. He already graduated and is currently working in a Business Law tribunal. He makes pretty good money, but its not like he rakes it in like bill gates. Lately he doesnt talk too much to me or the others that he went to school with; as I understand the situation he wants to associate himself with people of the upper class. He goes to the trendy bars, he buys his clothes at trendy stores, he doesnt drink just any type of liquor, he drinks what the rich drink. Now this is sad. This guy is so ashamed of his past and of whom he is that he is trying to erase who he is. He goes to English classes to learn the language because all the rich kids know English. This guy is so wrapped up in what E! Entertainment television dictates. He is so concerned to look, dress, act and speak like the rich kids here and or try to be more north American. Be anything but a Salvadoran.
Ive been out with him a couple of times and to these bars, and all you see is a lot of kids trying to act like their rich or like they are north American. They drink Coronas so people can see them with a trendy beer label in their hands. All of them trying to act like they have a private jet to take them home. GEEZE. Look at the map and you know how ridiculous this is. We live In El Salvador, a country that has barely been out of war for a little more than a decade and fixing to go right back into another civil conflict. This is the third world; come down to earth. The funniest thing is that what they think that most North American kids dress like, act like, and listen to is not what the reality is. I laugh and I get head aches about this type of thing. I laugh because I see a monkey trying to be a man, and I get headaches because I actually talk to these people. They cant accept their reality, they are ashamed of who they are.
When it comes to me, I went out in the past to see chicks, to drink a lot of beer and make an ass of myself or to get my ass kicked. Thats honesty. I never went out so people could see my new Oscar de la Renta pants, or to see me drinking the new fad drink. I went to out to socialize and not to act like what Im not. I know who I am; Im Luis from Salvador, an immigrant in the United States, and ex thug, a problem drinker, a guy trying not to loose his soul, a person trying to be as honest with himself as possible. I am not a person that is on welfare, in fact in this country Im pretty well off but that is not me, that is the blessing that my mother has received and she is nice enough to share with me. To end this part I would like to quote one of my favorite characters out of the movies.
Your not the shirt you wear, your not the car you drive, your not the content of your wallet, your not your fucking kakiswe are the all singing all dancing crap of the world. Its true little by little you just let yourself become Tyler Durden.
Now lets talk about the other type of phonies. The famous UNCLE TOMS. These types of people are the worse. These are the Salvadorans that left the country to go to the states and now they think they are too good to live here or to have belonged to this land. Hell there are some Salvadorans that are ashamed to be Latinos. I know of this one person, a wetback just as myself, born in El Salvador, in the poorest side of the country. We went to the states to start a new life. Now hes done pretty well for himself. He has three kids. They live in a house that most people never dream of having. He brain washed his oldest son to act like he does. Luckily his son doesnt act totally like him. Im not one to tell people how to vote, but when youre an immigrant that once was afraid of being caught by the MIGRA and being deported you should understand the people who still have not fixed their immigrant status. Everyone knows that the Republican Party does not exactly like all the Josés coming across the border, so when this person Im talking about was asked who he voted for he said he proudly casted his vote for George W. Bush. When asked why he replied because Mr. Bush is concerned with his interests as being one of the upper class. Just writing this makes me want to hit myself over the head with a bat. His son of course followed suit. The people at the same time yell to the four winds that they are Salvadoran, that they are proud of their origin. BULL SHIT. They dont even know what the history here is. When they come here they look down on the poor that live here. They go to mix with the other bastards that I already mentioned. One of them with delusions of being a North American, and the other with delusions of wanting to have delusions of being a North American. Both are the same kind of Indians that the Spaniards found when they arrived here on the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. The Indian that sold his country for some shiny cheap costume jewelry and a couple of mirrors.
To those who are Salvadoran and act as I have described, well what can I say but come down to earth. If youre an Uncle Tom like I have described what can I say but if you dont want the smell of the poor third world country you left behind to tarnish your new North American image, then dont come here, we have enough phonies here as it is. Its sad that in this day we dont analyze our surroundings and out past. We are all hung up on image, what other people think. Drug addiction, the war on terrorism, the war in Iraq, poverty, AIDS, homeless, the fact that the government of the United States is becoming more and more what most Americans fear, because when it looks like, smells like, feels like you call it what it isFACISM. All of these things dont matter to people, they are not worried about the war in Iraq, what worries them is if Calvin Klein makes a pair of jeans that doesnt make their butt look too big. They are worried about the car they drive if it looks phat enough to attract the opposite sex and not the fact that the fucking Hummer is killing faster our planet. These are just some thoughts, something that most people in this day only leave up to fashion and the advertisements for what ever is a fad at the moment. If ever I become one of these people I truly hope some kind individual puts three slugs in my head. Not one, not two, but three just to make sure I dont contaminate anyone else.